Journal is locked
Journal
Export to PDF
Manual Entry
4
Entries
2026-03-28
Last Entry
Williamsburg Spring Break Off to Okay Start
2026-03-28
The spring break trip to Williamsburg is underway but had a rocky start — colder than expected weather led to Ellie complaining and the boys being a handful. Marissa got frustrated with Mike spending time on AI itinerary planning, adding some early friction. Things have settled down and the forecast is warming up, which should improve the mood for the rest of the week.
What's On My Mind
- Weather colder than expected at Williamsburg
- Ellie complaining about the cold
- Boys being typical toddler boys
- Marissa upset about time spent on AI itinerary planning
- Things improving now — tension with Marissa settling
Decisions Made
- Treating this as a checkpoint entry — no major decisions made
Key Quotes
- "Trip is off to an okay start"
- "A little colder than expected"
- "Things are a little better now and it's supposed to warm up"
Open Questions
- Will the warming weather turn the trip around?
- Is the Marissa tension fully resolved or just paused?
Pre-Trip Crunch
2026-03-26
You're in full pre-trip panic mode — grocery order undone, nothing packed, leaving by noon tomorrow, and running on empty after weeks without real downtime. The practical plan is solid: order groceries now, early pickup at 6 AM, packed by 8:30 AM, protect the 9 PM bedtime. But the deeper theme is depletion — you're wound tight, heading into a high-demand trip, and what you really need is a full day to yourself that isn't coming anytime soon. State of mind: stretched, stressed, but clear on the plan.
What's On My Mind
- Leaving work late again and running to pick up Ellie — no gymnastics tonight but need to get home for dinner and spend time with the boys before the Williamsburg trip tomorrow
- Major time crunch — haven't packed yet, haven't put in the grocery order, and everything needs to be done by noon tomorrow when we leave
- Grocery order is most urgent — needs a specific pickup slot, worried there won't be availability, and can't fully pack until groceries are home
- Decided to push grocery pickup to early tomorrow morning (~6 AM) instead of late tonight to protect the 9 PM bedtime
- Anxious about Marissa's reaction to not having done the grocery order yet — she's already tired, possibly coming down with a cold, and tends to get short and make flippant comments when depleted
- Worried about what the spring break trip will actually be like — Marissa potentially sick, twins being wild and exhausting, ending up just managing everyone else's emotions the whole time without getting to enjoy it myself
- Feeling wound tight with a buildup of tension — haven't had a moment to decompress in weeks, no real downtime, and now heading into a trip where demands will be even higher
- The real fantasy right now is a full day completely to myself — no responsibilities, no one needing anything, just reading, sleeping, walking, doing whatever without checking in with anyone
- Ate too much at lunch (coworker's retirement party), feeling a little sluggish — planning a light dinner to reset
Decisions Made
- Pushing grocery pickup to early tomorrow morning (~6 AM) to protect the 9 PM bedtime tonight
- Will put in the grocery order as the very first thing when I get home — before engaging with the kids — and tell Marissa I'm handling it right away
- Eating a light dinner tonight to feel better after a heavy lunch
- Focusing only on getting through tomorrow — other things on my mind can wait
Key Quotes
- ""Just stressed out. So I'm just... I don't know. It's just it's just a lot.""
- ""I have a plan, but I know Marissa is also gonna be stressed.""
- ""I'm more worried about just constantly being tired and frustrated and whining from the boys and just, you know, a constant sort of dealing with everyone else's emotions and not being able to sort of enjoy it myself.""
- ""It feels like there's this buildup of tension inside, and, uh, I can't sort of release that energy and, like, wind down and relax.""
- ""The feeling of not having any responsibilities for for a day would be nice. Just going through a day with nothing on the calendar, nothing to do, I can do whatever I want. I can read. I can sleep. I can go for a walk... just all of it.""
- ""That's not really space. That's just an hour of quiet time before the storm hits.""
- ""If I get a good night's sleep tonight, yeah... I should be okay.""
Open Questions
- Will the early morning pickup and packing actually go smoothly, or will something come up?
- How will Marissa feel about the early pickup plan?
- When will I actually get a full day to myself to decompress?
- Will the trip be enjoyable or will it just be exhausting?
Managing Time and Family Health
2026-03-25
Today's session covered the multiple pressures pulling at you simultaneously — a tight daily time crunch between work and Ellie's gymnastics, genuine enjoyment of work that makes it hard to leave, Ellie's unresolved stomach issues, and a background tension with Marissa around attention and her emotional cycle. The thing weighing on you most is Ellie's health — the not-knowing is scary. You're leaving for Williamsburg on spring break next week, and when you're back, you've committed to testing a real 4 PM hard stop for a week. General state of mind: stretched thin but managing, and clear-eyed about what needs to change.
What's On My Mind
- Feeling constantly rushed after work — picking up Ellie at 4 PM, getting home, making dinner, leaving for gymnastics at 6:15 PM. There's never a moment to just take it easy or breathe between work and evening commitments.
- Work pull is real — I enjoy what I'm doing and get caught mid-task, making it hard to leave at 4 PM even though I could control it. It's like being mid-air on a basketball shot — hard to just stop.
- Genuine tension between wanting to be engaged at work and being present for family. Not just a logistics problem — both things matter.
- Trying to fit in workouts on top of the 4:10 schedule, early mornings, family time, and a 9 PM bedtime — feels impossible to do all of it well.
- Felix wasn't feeling well today but seems back to normal now.
- Ellie has had ongoing stomach issues for several weeks. Dairy cuts seem to help a little but she had a flare-up recently. GI doctor appointment set for April 16th.
- Sensing that Marissa might feel I'm not paying enough attention to the boys or that I'm coddling Ellie — she hasn't said anything directly but I can tell. Timing may coincide with her cycle, which makes her more prone to flippant comments and shorter patience.
- I don't feel guilty about focusing on Ellie — she's only with us half the time, while the boys are constantly surrounded by people who love them. But I do feel affected when I sense Marissa is unhappy.
- The kids' health is what's weighing on me the most right now — frustrating and scary not knowing what's causing Ellie's stomach issues.
Decisions Made
- Committed to trying a hard 4 PM work stop for one week after spring break (not next week — we'll be in Williamsburg) to test whether it actually relieves the time pressure or if work really suffers.
- When Marissa is in a heightened emotional state, try not engaging when she snaps — just acknowledge without defending or arguing back (e.g., "I hear you, that sounds frustrating") rather than pushing back and escalating.
- 9 PM bedtime remains non-negotiable.
Key Quotes
- ""I feel like there's never enough time.""
- ""It feels impossible when I'm in the middle of a step. So it's like, uh, you know, you're taking a basketball shot, and you're in the air, and you're getting ready to release the ball. It's hard to just stop.""
- ""There's just not enough time.""
- ""I struggle, I guess, to prioritize what's most important.""
- ""It feels like I'm stuck in the middle.""
- ""The kid's health, I think that's bothering me the most, at least stomach things I wanna... it's frustrating not knowing what's going on, and that's kinda scary.""
Open Questions
- If I commit to a 4 PM hard stop, will work actually suffer — or is that fear mostly in my head?
- What's actually causing Ellie's stomach issues?
- How do I be more intentional with Ellie during her half-time without Marissa feeling like the boys are getting less attention?
- Is the tension with Marissa purely cyclical, or is there something worth addressing directly when things are calmer?
Building the Dashboard, Ellie's Health, Early Mornings
2026-03-24
Mike is building a personal dashboard that integrates his schedule, health metrics, journaling, and relationship tools for Marissa — he's cautiously optimistic about sticking with it but knows his tendency to tinker and move on. He's been getting up early at 4:45 AM for Peloton rides and sauna, which is becoming a meaningful anchor for quiet mental time before the day starts. Ellie has been having recurring stomach issues — dairy was cut back and seemed to help but she had another flare-up, and Mike submitted a GI referral today for imaging and a specialist appointment.
What's On My Mind
- Ellie's ongoing stomach issues and waiting for GI specialist appointment
- Whether the personal dashboard will stick or become another abandoned project
- The rapid pace of AI and what it means for the workforce and his own future
- Early morning routine as a new anchor — Peloton at 4:50 AM plus sauna
Decisions Made
- Submitted request for GI specialist appointment and imaging for Ellie today
- Committed to doing a workout tonight even though it wasn't on the schedule
- Sticking with 4:50 AM wake-up and Peloton routine on 4/10 work schedule
Key Quotes
- "It would have to be low friction — it would just have to work properly and not cause me more stress and actually be a value add to my system in life rather than something else to manage and maintain."
- "There's no distractions, there's nobody else up, so I can sort of ease into the day and have that mental time for myself."
- "The technology of artificial intelligence is rapidly getting to the point where humans are going to be less and less needed in the workforce — and that is clear today by just what I was able to accomplish that normally would have taken me weeks."
- "I'm just looking forward to the day where I can retire and sit on a beach."
Open Questions
- Will the dashboard stick beyond the first couple of weeks?
- What is causing Ellie's stomach issues if not just dairy?
- How does Mike feel about AI's impact on his own career and long-term professional identity?
- Is the early morning quiet time actually improving mental clarity, and how would he measure that?